I know this is normal, but I can't help but feel that counseling isn't working. I feel like I'm not accomplishing the main goal: to get better; to stop being depressed.
Current achievements:
- The cutting and suicide attempts have stopped
- I told all my Dirty Secrets (and no one went to jail)
- It's easier for me to talk about myself and my...condition
- I cry all the time
- I've been retraumatized
Things I've learned about myself:
- My depression is triggered (hard) by illness/injury
- I'm depressed because I feel powerless, whether to help myself or others
- I have Major Depressive Disorder
- I miss Tubbykins
- I've been depressed for years (it runs in the family)
- I have no real friends but one or two, and my family sucks ass (already knew the latter)
- My pitcher of Kool-Aid has overflowed
- I'm still traumatized by things that happened a decade ago
- I have no hope and feel worthless (which is why I want to kill meself)
- I love and forgive those I shouldn't because it's easier than acknowledging how they've hurt me
- I'm weak
- For the past several years, I've been punishing myself for things that people have done to me
- I'm still afraid
Lemonade is overrated.
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